where she contemplates the culinary arts

after years of remaining faithful to xanga, i decided it was time for a little time away. not that i haven’t already been neglecting my old blog(s), you see. somehow xanga’s lost its verve, its coquettish simplicity and the possibilities of finding gems of writers hidden away in furtive blogrings. for some time now it’s been cajoling me to try out its spanking new format, whining – won’t you please use the new layouts? – and i had to demur. the writers i stumbled across years ago are still there, but we’ve grown apart. my poetry has morphed from a raw, decadent, prurient style to a more refined, precise fashion that of late has become a scarce commodity. in other words, i’ve changed, i’m writing and contemplating less. but not that much, because i’m still hoping for love. not that same, fervent hope, but still a wan one all the same.

another thing that’s not changed all these years is my love for food blogs. i neglect them sometimes, but the passion for greedily drinking in luscious photographs and reveling in paeans to a melange of different foods whether it be French, Indian or of that special category called dessert, will reassert itself from time to time with a vengeance. to call a food blog mere text would be travesty. there are a few i remain loyal to, dipping into their archives to savour the descriptions. anything i say here about these wonderful blogs would beggar description, really. a better alternative might be to click links on the side as soon as i figure wordpress out – oh, the follies of remaining loyal to a single blogging system!

it’s clear, then, even before you finish this sentence, that you know what this is – or what it aspires to be: a food blog. another to join the excessive foodblogroll, another to obsessively document the ups and downs of adventures in the kitchen, another to expound on the love for good-looking and tasty foods. (well, hello there, mr. lamb shank..) but, you know, being part of the crowd is important. and i, for one, do not mind being part of the pedestrian foodies. except, you know, “gourmandise” might be a better term. the greedy person.

and yet the road to gourmandism seems to be paved with pitholes and obstacles so early in the game. for example, i make so little time for myself to cook or bake – and having been brought up in a Chinese family that does not take easily to the consumption of desserts (or indeed, many things that contain butter or icing) or most Western foods, i am loathe to attempt any recipes in case the spoils are left to rot uneaten. my so-called repertoire of baking is tiny (the ubiquitous fairy cakes, banana cupcakes, lemon tarts and some failed cakes). these are generally churned out for bake sales, which leaves little room for experimentation as they have to be perfect and the same. inflation and tariffs in this country being what they are, the price of butter, milk, cream and cheese have shot up by at least a dollar, and leaves me little room for extravagant testings which my family will likely avoid. (particularly because of my dad’s blocked artery. and especially because i am quite frugal.)

and though i do not like to admit it, it’s a struggle attempting to balance the love of food and a desire to be, oh, about a size or two smaller. i admit to being deeply rather envious of those skinny gourmands (an oxymoron if there ever was one) – Joycelyn Shu of KUIADORE is one such food-lover. having attended a cooking class of hers (i tried making one of the recipes and failed…but that’s another story) i can testify to her very willowy and slender frame. for me, the scales tip all too often in the direction of food and subsequently, clockwise.

but maybe this is where i will finally deal with things. come to terms with myself, to finally be able to refuse rice without eliciting a “stop dieting!” response from my sister simply because i really, really don’t want any rice, to be able to indulge without qualms, to bake and to photograph and to sculpt and concoct and assemble and to simply cook, regardless of the obstacles. maybe this time i’ll make more time for myself, try those new recipes, even spontaneously adjust a recipe have it coming out successful (after many, many failures…). maybe it’s time to find myself again.