this place has been dead, i know, and it stopped being alive just when someone died. i really do have several posts in limbo – on Kow Leong Kiang (since july), on some of the best Italian food i can find around here (at Buonasera), a sublime braised cabbage i can’t stop talking about, on life, how organising SEASAC MUN is driving me insane, and Quidditch. all those things.
but all those things are kind of unfinished. kind of the way i feel – undone, unfinished, in limbo. i don’t know what it is, but it’s gotten to the point where i’m coasting through just trying to make it to the end of each day. each day’s taken on a certain grayness, and even with all the crazy-fun-mad things i try to inject into each day (like making dinosaurs with my fingers, saying “Pika!” before sneezing, getting all hyped up about Quidditch), something’s wrong, and i’m on edge.
maybe it’s because i just watched Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. watching something (which isn’t House) really puts me on edge, because i should be doing something else. i enjoyed it, and i’m really nervous at the moment. the anxiety doesn’t make sense. i’m looking for a purpose where there isn’t one, and it is probably scaring the hell out of me. is this university-application anxiety? pre-university teenage crisis? maybe i just can’t stand not knowing what i’m going to do. the grayness is the hopelessness.
you know, we spend a lot of time preparing for something. living for the future, thinking about the things we’re going to do with the things we’re going to get in the future. maybe expectations are the problem. people expect me to do “great” things. i expect myself to do great things. and i’m not so sure i can, or want to.
no worries, folks. i’ll be back soon. i’ve watched too much TV this week, so it’s off to essay-writing: i’ll figure something out. and the next post’ll have pictures.
funny how people never tell us to do what we want.
by the way, I just got the pika thing.
-_________________________-”
is my response.
LOL. do you always sneeze “chu”/”choo”?
I check in every now and then too…
university applications.. *shudders*
I cant wait to meet up with you. I miss you Flory. I know we go between years of absence at times, but I miss you alot sometimes…
Don’t worry, Flory
I went through the same thing at a point in my life. I felt completely directionless. But that’s part of growing up I guess, not knowing what lies in the future but still trusting that things will be ok. I’m sure things will turn out just fine for you as it did me.
You’re my playground buddy…we have to turn out alright
Sandbox love never dies! Looking out for you, Flory!
Love,
Yeelian
It is well. Sometimes, when you don’t know what you’re going to do in the future, why not make a list of what you DON’T want to do….at least that clears up some no gos and then you narrow the playing field to give some focus. Can you tell what stage I’m at. Regardless….please feel confident in yourself that you have a choice. Whether that is good/bad, the knowledge that you have a choice is so empowering and takes away some of the victim/at-the-mercy-of mentality that you feel better. Most of all, take it easy on you…..Do you still beed to write that essay:-)